United Kingdom switches from printing money to printing people.

January 15, 2016 Milkman Hero 0

Not content with enriching the top 0.01% via money printing the UK government has taken the radical step of beginning to cut into the 99.9% by simply printing people.

The move known internally as “Operation Mâché” was originally thought to be a children’s play scheme until a wikileaks cable exposed the short term plan to replace a third of active emergency services staff with cardboard cutouts. Plans were actioned over Christmas with less than subtle replacements strategically timed when most were simply too drunk to notice.

Your favourite party in 2015 is probably not what you think.

January 24, 2014 Milkman Hero 0

David Cameron assured those with fears that the system was open to abuse that every possible angle had been looked at.

“We’ve taken steps to ensure that only those who should be voting will have their vote count, we have a number of fail-safes and while I can’t go into too many specific details I can assure you that anyone who has ever clicked Like and commented on a photo expecting it to somehow move will have their vote expedited to the bin”

Hopefully there’s enough space in there for you too Dave.

Britcoin saga, banking sector warns Britons on bitcoin

January 17, 2014 Milkman Hero 0

We spoke to UK citizen Craig Pace who’d managed to pay for 5 bitcoins, first by queuing for 4 hours, he was then stripped and forced to cover himself in jam by government officials before entering a gladiatorial pit full of hungry lions, cold and dripping with coarse cut golden shred Craig stood clutching a smart phone and a wad full of cash, ready to make his desperate sprint to the dealing desk as an amphitheater full of bankers roared their vitriol and threw rotten vegetables in disgust.

Xbox one sales suspended amidst vibration white finger horror.

November 29, 2013 Milkman Hero 0

With our rich kinect feature set we simply hadn’t planned for such an uptake of our control pads, naturally we’re focusing on getting this fixed as soon as possible, so for our UK market we’re implementing an NHS direct APP into the Xbox one menu system that should be arriving next week for Gold subscribers, allowing you to get help and tips on suitable wrist exercises to alleviate blood flow, NHS direct has assured me these will be familiar and ‘second nature’ to Xbox users

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