Lincolnshire seaside town Skegness looks set to win 2027 plaudits as both clientèle and sales soar into record highs.
Years upon years of torturous finger pointing ensues as of Friday in what may prove to be the worlds biggest echo chamber of futile shit on record…
Not content with enriching the top 0.01% via money printing the UK government has taken the radical step of beginning to cut into the 99.9% by simply printing people.
The move known internally as “Operation Mâché” was originally thought to be a children’s play scheme until a wikileaks cable exposed the short term plan to replace a third of active emergency services staff with cardboard cutouts. Plans were actioned over Christmas with less than subtle replacements strategically timed when most were simply too drunk to notice.
A couple of days ago to celebrate the mighty Amigas 30th we honoured it with #amigagamesrememberedwrong on twitter, this is what happened.
Shares in Lockheed Martin spiked today as the announcement of a new range of mini Surface to Air Missile (SAM) launchers were unveiled to wowed investors in Knightsbridge.
Pot Noodles, Beans on Toast and Spaghetti Bolognase recently hit all time highs well above the £1 comfort zone, whilst the usual despair pits of McDonalds and Greggs become nostalgic affordability dreams of the past
David Cameron assured those with fears that the system was open to abuse that every possible angle had been looked at.
“We’ve taken steps to ensure that only those who should be voting will have their vote count, we have a number of fail-safes and while I can’t go into too many specific details I can assure you that anyone who has ever clicked Like and commented on a photo expecting it to somehow move will have their vote expedited to the bin”
Hopefully there’s enough space in there for you too Dave.
We spoke to UK citizen Craig Pace who’d managed to pay for 5 bitcoins, first by queuing for 4 hours, he was then stripped and forced to cover himself in jam by government officials before entering a gladiatorial pit full of hungry lions, cold and dripping with coarse cut golden shred Craig stood clutching a smart phone and a wad full of cash, ready to make his desperate sprint to the dealing desk as an amphitheater full of bankers roared their vitriol and threw rotten vegetables in disgust.