Food industry slumps as under 25s shun meals for cannabis and energy drinks.

Impoverished millennials are increasingly seeking alternatives to expensive food products, with rife inflation and fraudulent austerity measures many are struggling to keep up with their usual eating routines. Pot Noodles, Beans on Toast and Spaghetti Bolognese recently hit all time highs well above the £1 comfort zone, whilst the usual despair pits of McDonalds and Greggs become nostalgic affordability dreams of the past.

A ‘standard meal’ this breakfast is from the UK but similar is now common place in western society; ith dethpicable it weally ith


NHS representatives were quick to play down concerns, stating that there were no official usage figures for cannabis, and that “the recent 4000% increase in energy drink consumption has nothing to do with the startlingly similar recent 4000% increase in cases of severe malnutrition and 3200% rise in scurvy.”

Regular Jeremy Kyle guest and cannabis/energy drink user Laura ‘proudmummy’ Tompkins-Waite recently summed up her feelings towards the matter by dropping 2 dress sizes, then collapsing on stage red eyed and shaking during a speech in support of shunning food.

The voice of a nation? Just terrific, the race to the bottom continues.

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