Monsanta patents Christmas trees

Ho-ho-holy crap you better get your wallet ready, as of 2015 Monsanta the Christmas enforcement wing of the worlds largest crop giant has secured patents on the entire traditional Christmas tree range bagging full rights on spruce, fir, cypress, cedar and pine trees worldwide.

ho-ho-NO households face hefty fines and prison for failing to pay and display.

But it gets worse for consumers, in a move likely to anger families EU and US jurisdictions have also granted full image rights meaning traditional carol singers are now likely to be flanked by Monsanta pay and display prosecution teams, generating revenue by targeting households using traditional Christmas tree image rights whilst failing to pay and display.

Amidst much controversy Monsanta hit back stating higher employment figures citing significant extra work available for ‘those already in this job sphere‘ such as parking wardens and door to door salesmen as well as jobs for recent DVLA lay-offs, quoting up to 3,000 new administration roles overseeing the distribution of Christmas tree pay and display discs.

Specific criticism was aimed at the company for targeting the disadvantaged, but Monsanta later issued a statement to clear things up

‘if the elderly or disadvantaged can’t afford it there’s nobody forcing them to put up a tree using our image rights, palm trees can be quite festive’

Merry Christmas.

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